“ Child Abuse, INDIA

! There was no one to tell
And nowhere to hide.
I kept the pain to myself
While a part of me died.

These words are synonymous with the silent ordeal of many children across the world. Of all the crimes, child sexual abuse is one of the most heinous. Childhood is supposed to be the age of carefree innocence. Instead, it ends up being a nightmare for many children.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines child abuse and child maltreatment as “All forms of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect or negligent treatment or commercial or other exploitation, resulting in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power.”

The sad reality is that there are more than 40 million child abuse cases reported worldwide every year and many more that aren’t reported due to various reasons. One such unreported case is that of Neha*, now an IT professional who I have known since childhood. Initially, I was hesitant to bring up the details of her horrific experiences, worried that it might trigger those memories. But, she is prepared to share her story even though she hasn’t spoken about her experiences before, not even to her friends or family. She sees it as an opportunity to open up about the abuse.

Neha is a single child of working parents who used to leave her with her grandparents when they went to work. She was about 6 years old when she was playing at a neighbor’s house with her friend of same age. The friend’s elder brother (about 10 years old), convinced her to hide in his room, locked it and molested her. While attempting to sexually abuse her further, he was stopped by the arrival of his younger sister banging on the locked door. Taking the opportunity, Neha ran away from the house and never went back again.

A couple of years later, she was attacked in her own apartment, by a guy living in the same building, whose younger brother was friends with her. He stopped her in the staircase at night and abused her. There were similar incidents as she grew up but she never told anyone about any of them. On asking why, she said,

“At that time, I felt violated and scared but couldn’t understand what’s happening to me. It was only after several months that I realized it was wrong. Even then, I was afraid of the consequences for me as well as for the molesters. The fact that I didn’t have a great relationship with my parents made the situation worse. They were too occupied with their own marital and career related problems, to cater to my emotional needs. I did not have anyone to confide in and felt let down by the people who should have protected me and fought for me. I felt lonely and ignored instead of my cheerful, talkative self and so, I started withdrawing into my shell.”

When I listened to her recounting the details of her experiences, I was appalled that her parents had been so oblivious to her suffering. It was heartbreaking to know of a little girl who should have been heard but wasn’t. As a society we seem to have failed her. Each time, a child is being abused and there is no one to support him/her, we should question ourselves.

A child’s primary support system is supposed to be their parents. But when they aren’t around or they are the perpetrators, the responsibility falls on the extended family, teachers and close friends. This is where the awareness about child sexual abuse is crucial. In most cases, we don’t realize that the “Nice couple next door” could be abusing their kid everyday. It was certainly a wake-up call for me to realize that Neha’s parents, whom I have known for years and considered kind, had been so callous with her. I seemed to have let her down as a friend as I never realized the extent to which she had been affected. By the time she finally started dealing with her issues by going to therapy, she was around 20 years old. Though the adage ‘’Better Late than Never’’ is certainly true, in these kind of cases, the sooner it is dealt with, the better, as the impact increases exponentially. As Dr. Andrew Rowland has said, It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.

It moved me when I got to know that she struggled with depression most of her life and even contemplated suicide at one point. In her case, the impact was more emotional (though in many cases, there’s severe physical impact too). She carried those emotional scars all her life and is still struggling to deal with its aftermath. While the abusive incidents were the main issue, I believe that the continuous neglect by her parents was also an equal contributor to her lifelong discomfort with men, even those from her family. This spilled onto her adult relationships where she equated love with physical intimacy. While this was about Neha, there are thousands of such girls (and boys) in similar situations in our country.

“ Child abuse does not discriminate based on gender, social standing, ethnicity, or religion. It is a global issue and every one of us should make efforts to eliminate child abuse in the world. Let us start with our own family first and help to raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhoods."

-ashutosh dubey public speaker! 

 

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(With input from news agency language)

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